The ego of a Writer

On the struggle between creative beings and consuming beings

I woke up this morning with a pressing need to write. Writing, when you’ve been doing so a long time and have progressed to editor in a full-time capacity, can be a difficult thing. My need, nay my desire to write, has, from my childhood, been fuelled by excitement. This thing, this idea, this person, this story; it must be told and shared! As an adult, as with many things, the desire has been nulled and deadened by the thing that now fuels my writing - money.

In what I’m about to assert, I’m conscious that I might sound like a tedious purist who believes that one must write from a place of passion in order for the body of work to be of any merit. And though there are many who write on demand for a supposedly hungry, paying audience, I genuinely do believe that the former is a true and accurate representation of the written word. I studied both English literature and Classical Civilisation (the study of Ancient Greece) and it was those that gripped me and informed so much of my career choices. I wanted to write thoughts and tell stories. Today I see much advice on how to write for financial reward. People telling others how to write as they do and charging high fees for the knowledge. People who have garnered audiences through other means courted by publishers as they seek to monetise their captivated followers with this precious commodity, books.

READ MORE: Still Standing - 100 Lessons from an ‘Unsuccessful’ Life

A few years ago, close to getting a mainstream agent and publisher for my second book (the first was released through an excellent Christian publisher), the fall at the last hurdle came when it was affirmed that while my writing was excellent and my experience valid, I had no audience and in today’s climate, this rendered the aforementioned qualities null and void.

This was a blow to my heart as much as my ego. I grew up in a world where writers wrote and if they were fortunate enough to get through to those who make it their job to promote those writers, all they needed to do was dedicate their lives to this craft and the work would speak for itself. No longer is that the case and yes, I do bemoan this shift because the industry is now saturated with “content” instead of writing.

And this makes me sad.

In my full-time role, I am blessed to have become an editor, a creative director and a podcast host. I have worked my way up to become somewhat recognisable in the my organisation as head of a brand. And I count myself more than blessed to be standing firmly in a career I longed for as a child. But because I am a writer, each week, I sit down with my laptop and try to dream up words. Words that came more easily to me as a sensitive child, forbidden to watch television and therefore sat only with my imagination. Then, creativity came easily to me and as I write this I recall my mother’s assertation that “television is the enemy of progress”. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with television. I suspect that her distaste for the screen came not from a lack of interest, but perhaps more a deep understanding of how quickly it can turn us from creative beings to consumers.

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I have a close friend who claims he was given too much access to television and gaming as a child, and in adulthood, rarely sits down to watch anything for a prolonged period. Perhaps he, like my mother foresaw, reckoned that the pursuit of being a Creative was at odds with the world’s insistence on us being Consumers. And perhaps, as much as we might try, it does not benefit us to try to be both with any kind of merit.

My writing has been called “real and authentic”, and that is where my heart lies. As a journalist, I have written many articles about other people and enjoyed this expression of work. However, I now consider some of my strongest writing to have appeared in the personal letters I have written to close friends; where I have commiserated and celebrated with words emanating from a deep place of knowledge and understanding. It is harder to write like that for large, faceless audiences. In fact, writing from that place, beginning with a sense of what people might want to read, is exactly what creative writers are encouraged not to do. Write what you know, write how you feel, write who you are. It’s tempting, now that this platform has been flooded, much like the rest of the world, with content, to look sideways at those who appear to be winning this race whether by monetary means or accolade - or both. But a long time ago, in a body of work contributed to by many writers and collated by a Creative Being who is, I believe, the source of our breath, these words were written:

‘And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith’.’ (From Hebrews 12:1-2)

And these words speak to the singular journey we find ourselves on, and as in the lyrics of one of my favourite songs, the need to ‘not look to the right or to the left’. And sure, look around, for inspiration, look up, for affirmation; but look forward, to find your own creativity, write your own authentic body of work, and thus run confidently in your own race.

Tola x

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I’m the editor and creative director at Premier Woman Alive magazine, host of the Woman Alive podcast and co-host of the YouTube show Sisterhood. In 2019, I delivered a TEDx Talk on Debunking the Myth of Success and my first published book, 'Still Standing:100 Lessons From An 'Unsuccessful' Life' is out now.