‘How I confirmed that I am, indeed, a snob’
(Spoiler alert: Not sad about it)
I spent last week at a familiar English establishment by the name of Butlins. And before you ask, no this was not on Tatler’s latest ‘10 Places You Must Travel To This Summer!’. If you have been a Christian for some time and are based in the UK, you may well be familiar with the age-old Christian festival Spring Harvest?
I had a taste of this last week, having complained to my line manager that while he has travelled to the US, Africa and soon the Middle East for work, I have never had the fortune of being sent anywhere to promote the only women’s ministry outlet my organisation currently has (and which I humbly/proudly head up).
So to Minehead I went. And look, I’m sure it’s a bright and sunny place in the summertime but in the pouring rain and grotty barracks we were staying in, the sea front with out of tune wailing from the slot machines took all the fun out of the fair. Not to mention the haunting memory my colleague had kindly shared of visiting Butlins as a child and her younger brother getting sick because someone – hopefully a child – had done a poo in the swimming pool.
So in between the (lovely) conversations with the people that I met, I stood behind the organisation’s stand and banners wearing clothes that went straight into the washing machine upon my return and wondered: How are people enjoying this?? (So many of the people I met were regulars and had been coming for years, which honestly baffled me.) Why are they calling Papa Johns a restaurant? and Why is Costa the only establishment with a sign saying, ‘flat white’??
I know what you’re going to say, you’re going to call me a snob. (AIR?) And if you’re the righteous type of Christian you might even yell at me (in caps for full effect): ‘I BET JESUS WOULDN’T CARE!’ Well, since you’re trolling me on that, I beg to differ. Jesus was a carpenter and must have had some aesthetic standards. Please peruse also the very specific instructions for building the commonly known Noah’s Ark in Genesis 6:14-22 and the temples the Israelites were told to build.
Brits love to call people snobs as a sign of dismissiveness when everyone knows that Brits love snobs. The Royal Family? (Ask anyone you know called Henry why they were given that name) Made in Chelsea? Why does Britain still have exclusive member’s clubs and private schools with wait lists? You (we) love it! So first off, I need to concur that I am fine with being called a snob. But please know that it does not at all benefit me to be one.
With my gluten-free, organic, no chocolate, no shellfish etc diet and aversion to dirt, I was not the ideal candidate for this week away. The fruit in the school-style canteen was often pale and/or mouldy, the eggs spongy and the only thing that didn’t have gluten in it were the chips at the fish and chip shop. And this was particularly problematic for me because I love food. Like, I am a big fan. So, I carb’d up for energy for THREE days with canteen eggs, peas and beans, chips, some unripe fruit I ran down the road to get from the supermarket offsite and two cups of my first ever flat white from Costa.
That doesn’t sound so bad! I hear you say, mockingly, as you imagine me, coffee in hand, crying pitifully into my Hermes scarf as I trudge back to my “chalet” with soaking wet designer cowboy boots. Well, you are wrong. First of all, I do not own anything from Hermes because I am not a Nepo baby with a horse fetish and second of all, guess what happened three days in and has plagued me in the four supposed holiday days since? I got sick! Disgustingly phlegmy, chest heavingly, headache inducingly sick.
Like I said, absolutely no benefit to being a snob in this situation and if you ever catch me going to Butlins again, know that it will have been under much duress and potentially a high that is not from the Most High.
Tola x
OAT FLAT WHITE PLEASE (NOT FROM COSTA)
I’m the editor and creative director at Premier Woman Alive and co-host of the YouTube show Sisterhood. In 2019, I delivered a TEDx Talk on Debunking the Myth of Success and my first book, 'Still Standing:100 Lessons From An 'Unsuccessful' Life' is out now
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Aw Tola, we have even more in common. You discovered you are a snob and I discovered I am a princess 😆, I think Uk and American terms notwithstanding, these are the same thing! I’ll email to commiserate later. That being said, I do feel it’s WAY more difficult to be a snob (or posh as they say) anywhere in Scotland than in the Cotswolds. Everyone from church friends to my mother in law has at some point looked on me with disdain and decided it’s ok to meet my undesignated “sin” of high standards with their definite “sin” of unkindness ☹️. you’re right, it’s kind of in the ether here to love/hate our type. I’m wrestling over it a bit with Jesus currently so your blog, although funny actually struck a bit of a chord. I’ve been telling myself this week, “I AM a daughter of the King and Jesus knows my heart and from past demonstration and experience, that I have laid it all done for Him many times. I’m sure He doesn’t judge me but it’s interesting dealing with those who do, especially in the church. We are who we are and God’s made us who He’s made us, integrating that into life and church relationships, I believe, will be a beautiful, interesting work of the Holy Spirit. I’m excited to see how He chooses to work it out for good, for both of us. Feel better soon!!!