‘Are you really going to work dressed like that?’

For those of you who a) don’t like being told what to do and b) don’t ascribe to the Zoom uniform of dressed on top and undressed on bottom (sometimes, I hear, literally)

Hard adulting on the teachers only staircase in my secondary school.

So first of all, forget everything I said last week (lol). In my most recent essay I talked about learning to let go of the outside things we buy to try and achieve a certain feeling or standing in society; even if that was only in our heads. Last week I was talking in general about stuff including the junk we fill our houses and garages with but today let me do a quick 180 and tell you that when it comes to what you wear sometimes you should just do what you want.

I thought of this today when I posted a photo taken of me when I delivered the keynote speech at my very proper and private secondary school, a few years ago. My outfit include frayed cut off shorts by Isabel Marant and silver high heeled boots by Balenciaga. No speaker I had ever seen in my 5 years as a student there had ever worn anything other than a suit and the surprise – and delight from some of the girls - when I turned up, showed.

When I entered sixth form and could wear whatever I wanted, the prefects in my sister’s year would groan when I sauntered down the hallway to chapel in the shortest skirts I could get away with

Our regulation uniform included a forest green knee length pleated skirt (which is why, as soon as I got married, I handed over the ironing responsibility to my husband) and I was never not being told off for rolling it up. At the time I also got into trouble for not wearing the horrid grey tights we were assigned but I countered this with the rebuttal that with my long legs, they either sunk uncomfortably low at the crotch or ended up patchy with holes caused by adult sized feet in teenage sized hosiery. My other frequented excuse was that I had “just finished netball!” so of course I didn’t have tights on again yet. I was too hot!

When I entered sixth form and could wear whatever I wanted, the prefects in my older sister’s year would groan when I sauntered down the hallway to chapel in the shortest skirts I could get away with (given I have a Nigerian mother). Nobody wanted to tell me off – presumably because I looked so good? – but each morning was like a test to see how far I could push them without getting into trouble.

My first day of sixth form I wore a pink snakeskin mini skirt from TopShop with a slit up the side, a white tee and super high heels with platform soles. This did not get the seal of approval and so the next day I rocked up in my native Buba and Iro (Nigerian traditional dress) which covered me from top to toe. Yes, I caused much annoyance to my superiors but since I did my work just as well regardless of my outfit changes, what difference did it make what I wore?

Teachers everywhere may well be holding sore heads in their hands at this proclamation but it is one I still have in adulthood – with slight adjustment.

What are we really doing when we police people into wearing a set outfit in order to do something that does not involve protective (builder or security guard) or identifying (aforementioned feds) gear? I’ve been watching way too much American TV recently and identified a style they refer to as “business casual”. Eurgh. Why do people want to look the same all the time? We are not sheep and while it might be handy for those who don’t know or are happily unbothered about clothes to have a steer, why can’t we all just wear what we want?

As my work takes me into more face-to-face spaces, I often find myself challenged by the silent but very present restraints of the environments I’m heading into. Can I show my abdomen in church? If I wear my thigh high leopard print Cavalli boots to a school, will the teachers let me on stage? Is a backless dress appropriate for a women’s conference?

Answers in the comments below please.

But in the meantime let me share with you some other occasions over the years where I have been ‘inappropriately’ – but happily – dressed:

On Christian television. (They asked if I had a back up outfit as my dress was deemed too short for viewers eyes.)

On a ski slope. (Fair enough)

To the office. (Hot day tho?)

In Waitrose. (At least I distinguished myself as separate from the produce)

Anywhere. (No comment)

Tola x

I’m  the editor and creative director at Premier Woman Alive and co-host of the YouTube show Sisterhood. I delivered a TEDx Talk on Debunking the Myth of Success and my book, 'Still Standing:100 Lessons From An 'Unsuccessful' Life' (SPCK) is out now.